Death ends a life, not a relationship.

It's been more than a week that I have made a post here, and that is because the worst and saddest moment of my life happened. MY BOYFRIEND DIED. I really want to vent out all my pain but I just can't, but I thought to myself, I need to express all the pain away.

Last August 12, 2012, my boyfriend, Jason Patrick Nueno Infante, got stabbed to death. He was trying to protect and defend his friend. He is a hero. He is strong, brave and fearless. I look up to him and admire him for that. I never really expected that this would happen to him. Come to think of it, he is the last person I would expect to leave me... It hurts so much. No amount of words could sum up all the pain I am feeling right now. One of the most saddest parts was in a matter of 2 days, we will be celebrating our 2nd Anniversary.

These are my gifts for him. Derrick Rose jersey, couple ring and dog tag. Just because he passed away, doesn't mean I'll stop loving him and giving him gifts. It's not that easy to let go in just a snap.

He is the best boyfriend ever. He is my bestfriend, my big brother, my father, my body guard, my superman, and everything else in between. He is not just my partner. It feels like one part of my body has been taken away. That's how "empty" I feel.

I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH. Never in my life that I had imagined that this day would come. Sometimes, I wish that he would just broke up on me. That would be a lot better than not having to see him FOREVER. If I were to share all our happy moments together, I would probably have a novel now, maybe even a trilogy. We have so many plans together. We'll get married, and raise our children together. We'll be one great and happy family, and in just a snap, all of those plans won't come true anymore.

It still hasn't sinked in up to now. I just wish this is all a joke, and we'll be laughing about it later on. The sad part is, IT'S NOT... I still can't believe it. I just can't accept the fact that the love of my life that made me the happiest girl in the world is not here with me anymore. I am still in denial.

I'LL BE OKAY SOON. I know he will help and guide me.

It's so hard to let go, but I have to. I need to. I will never love someone as much as I loved this guy right here. All these words are not enough to even just summarize my thoughts and feelings, but this is the only way I can vent out all the pain away. It will be a long and hard process of letting go, and moving on. I know he will help me. He's just there. He's my angel and my warrior, and I know that he will never leave my side. He never does...

I have so many things to say in mind, but I just can't put them in the words. I will update this every now and then. I will blog all my feelings away and my progress of letting go... I HOPE I CAN.

I will never forget him and all his sacrifices. I will never forget all our happy and sad moments. HE'S WORTH IT. WE ARE WORTH IT.  Thank you and sorry for everything, my Dudung. I love him and nothing and no one could ever take that away... ♡

Rest in peace, my angel. God knows how much I love you.

This is not goodbye, just see you soon. ✝